Life

Press coverage of the war, our financial and healthcare crisis, the swine flu, the police massacre in Seattle, our eroding education system, global warming, various slaughters of African women and children, the strange case of the disappearing bee population, Sarah Palin’s book signing schedule, and other really serious stuff was bumped off the front pages of the news today so we could all stay up-to-date on two really important developments –

1. Party crashers at The White House.
2. Tiger Woods’ argument with his wife.

Ah, the continuing decline of public intelligence. It’s as if the America is at the tail end of their own “Flowers For Algernon” adventure, collectively playing the Cliff Robertson role. Our brain power peaked a few years ago, and now for some reason we are degenerating into a deep state of societal mental retardation. Too much mercury in our diets? Fox news? Who knows, but our attention spans are measured in milliseconds, and we have a perverse fascination with tearing down good people, while building up bad.

Case in point… I don’t know Tiger Woods personally, but he seems like a pretty incredible guy. Dedicated, motivated, and he can really hit a golf ball. I don’t really care if he had a fight with his wife. Everyone that is married fights with their spouse at some point.  It’s none of my business. I’ve had fights with my wife, and although she has never come at me with a golf club (luckily my chosen sport is fly fishing, and it’s hard to hurt a guy by hitting him with a fly rod), I am sure some or our arguments would be interesting if for some reason they were covered by the news media. Tiger‘s real problem is that he has always been too good to be true. Too handsome. Too talented. Too buffed. So naturally any chink in his armor should be relentlessly covered by the press so he can be destroyed. This morning I heard one commentator on The Golf Channel (don’t ask why I was watching The Golf Channel) gleefully exclaim “This is going to put our network on the map in the same way the Iran hostage drama put ABC Nightline on the map.”

Really? Domestic trouble with the Woods family is a lot like an international hostage drama that threatened world security and influenced Middle East policy for three decades? The Golf Channel might somehow morph into our most trusted source of news? Well, perhaps.

And at the same time Tiger had to share the spotlight with two new visitors from the planet Bizzaro, Michaele and Tareq Salahi. (Seriously, those are common names on Bizzaro. Like Chen in China.) The Salahi family allegedly appeared at The White House uninvited, which for some reason has become a national scandal that now requires massive investigation.

Matt Lauer was thrilled to have the couple on The Today Show for an exclusive interview this morning. “So, you say you were invited to The White House”, Matt masterfully probed, “but I have to ask, who invited you?’

The Salahi’s looked shocked at the question, as if Matt had asked them to briefly describe nuclear fusion or the mysterious appeal of Paul Blart Mall Cop. They said they could not answer, but “soon the truth would come out”, as if there is some secret “Deep Throat” in the government who will blow the lid on the Obama staffer who is secretly inviting Euro-Trash to The White House.

The truth, according to The New York Times, is that the Salahi’s are actually candidates to be on the reality show “The Real Housewives of DC”. Now that they were the primary guests on The Today Show and featured worldwide on various news outlets I suspect they will move up a few rungs among the contestants.

A few weeks ago another reality show contestant determined to get attention released a balloon into the air and caused massive panic and a huge waste of resources by claiming his young son was inside. Could it be that reality shows are actually evil? Perhaps human beings can’t resist the lure of fame, and will endure any degradation to achieve it while sucking the news media into their trailer trash world of fame. Seems like we should celebrate talented people and let them live their private lives privately, and ignore crazy people that sink to any low for attention.

I just came from lunch with one of my favorite (albeit often charmingly annoying) people, Joe Whitworth.  Joe is a lawyer that abandoned the corporate track and instead has devoted his life to helping solve what he believes is perhaps the most serious problem that the planet faces – our quickly diminishing water supply. Joe runs a wonderful non-profit organization I am proud to support – The Freshwater Trust (www.thefreshwatertrust.org).  The goal of The Freshwater Trust is to save our thirsty planet and dwindling fish populations with conservation, planning, and proper water management.  And the stakes are quite high.  Joe and many other experts agree that if the proper actions are not taken soon we could have water shortages that make problems like the current financial crisis and middle east wars seem tiny in comparison. 

I was particularly suprised to learn how much water it takes to manufacture some of the common things we use and consume.  A few of examples:

• It takes 31 gallons of water to produce 1 glass of wine.
• It takes 36 gallons of water to produce 1 cup of coffee.
• It takes 118 gallons of water to produce 1 lb. of wheat.
• 237 gallons of water to produce 1 lb. of rice.
• 594 gallons of water to produce 1 lb of cheese.
• 1857 gallons of water to produce 1 lb. of beef.
• 1990 gallons of water to produce 1 lb. of leather.
• 2867 gallons of water to produce a pair of blue jeans.

So here’s a simple idea.  Give up buying bottled water, drink from the tap, and donate the few hundred dollars you save a year to The Freshwater Trust.

This week Time Magazine’s cover story is called “What Women Want Now”. They profile both statistical differences and changes in women’s attitudes since they last did a study in the early 1970’s. The statistical changes over the last 30 years are quite interesting:

• In 1972 36.2% of the workforce was comprised of women. Today it is 49.8%
• In 1972 women made 58 cents for every dollar a man made. Today they make 77 cents.
• In 1972 the median age a woman married was 21. Today it is 26.
• In 1972 12% of births were to unmarried mothers. Today it is 39%. (Must have been that Murphy Brown episode!)
• In 1972 43% of college students were women, as opposed to 57% today.
• In 1972 there were 900,000 couples in the US in which the woman was the sole earner. Today there are 3.3 million.
• In 1970 3% of lawyers were women, as compared to 32% today.
• In 1970 8% of doctors were women, as compared to 28% today.
• In 1971 there were no women FBI agents. Today there are 2396.
• There were also no women governors. Today there are 6.
• There were no women cabinet members. Today there are 7.
• A fact that surprised me. Since 1972 the rate of divorce has declined from 4.1 per 1000 population, to 3.5.
• A woman’s average lifespan has increased more than five years in the last 29 years.
• 70% of women say they are less financially dependent on their spouse than their mother was.

I was equally surprised to see how much men and women agree on many major issues. An identical percentage, 66%, describe their marriage as “very happy”, and at the opposite end of the spectrum 1% both describe their marriages as “not happy at all”.

As reported in various news outlets, blogs, and even The Daily Show, freshman Senator Al Franken just had his first big win in the Senate, passing a bill that would punish government contractors  who “restrict their employees from taking workplace sexual assault, battery and discrimination cases to court”. 

Now you might be suprised that such a bill is even necessary.  First of all, what kind of company would stop their employees from taking action if they are sexually assaulted?  Actually, the bill is a result of actions by Halliburton, after they attempted to cover up the abduction, drugging, and gang rape of one of their employees.  Dick Cheney’s old company has some very unusual personel policies! 

Perhaps more importantly, why would any sane Senator vote against a bill that essentially tells companies that if they want to do business with the government they can’t support rape?  Well, there were lots of excuses for that one.  A few felt we were picking on poor old Haliburton, or that we would force people out of arbitration and into the courts (personally I think rapists should have to go to court). But just in case you were wondering how your Senator feels about rape, here is a list of the thirty that voted against the amendment and feel doing business with companies that support rape is OK:

• Alexander (R-TN)
• Barrasso (R-WY)
• Bond (R-MO)
• Brownback (R-KS)
• Bunning (R-KY)
• Burr (R-NC)
• Chambliss (R-GA)
• Coburn (R-OK)
• Cochran (R-MS)
• Corker (R-TN)
• Cornyn (R-TX)
• Crapo (R-ID)
• DeMint (R-SC)
• Ensign (R-NV)
• Enzi (R-WY)
• Graham (R-SC)
• Gregg (R-NH)
• Inhofe (R-OK)
• Isakson (R-GA)
• Johanns (R-NE)
• Kyl (R-AZ)
• McCain (R-AZ)
• McConnell (R-KY)
• Risch (R-ID)
• Roberts (R-KS)
• Sessions (R-AL)
• Shelby (R-AL)
• Thune (R-SD)
• Vitter (R-LA)
• Wicker (R-MS)

Those of you that know my dog Lemon will probably agree that she is not only the world’s most beautiful dog, but also among the smartest. OK, I would admit that most dog owners share a similar perspective towards their own pet, but you might be interested to discover which breeds actually are the smartest. According to Stanley Coren, author of The Intelligence of Dogs, here is a list of the top 10 smartest breeds –

1. Border Collie
2. Poodle
3. German Shepard
4. Golden Retriever
5. Doberman Pinscher
6. Shetland Sheepdog
7. Labrador Retrievor
8. Papillon
9. Rottweiler
10. Australian Cattle Dog

Here is an interesting development on the world front. Yesterday British Petroleum announced they have aquired the rights from Libya to drill off the Libyan coast. This is the first time in thirty years that Libya has allowed a foreign company to drill in the area. Could this at all be related to the fact that a couple weeks ago Scotland released a Libyan mass murderer responsible for the Lockerbie bombings? Is it possible the Scots would lie about the situation, and perhaps Ali al-Megrahi was not released for humanitarian reasons as the Scots stated, but actually so they could line their pockets with bloody oil money?

Of course it could be coincidental.  But I’m still boycotting Scotch and haggis.

Ah, the Scots. I used to think they were a fine people, sort of “Irish Light”. Big jovial folks that shared my love of fly fishing, kilts and freckled women. But that all changed for me last week when they released the mass murderer responsible for killing dozens of Americans. Convicted Lokerbie bomber Abdel Bassett al-Megrahi received a heroes welcome in Libya after brain-dead bureacrats in Scotland sent him home on humanitarian grounds.

While American politicians (and most of the sane world) have condemned the Scottish actions, I have been suprised to see that the American public has been fairly subdued in their reaction.  After all, we were the people that went on a protacted anti-French rage for a year when they dared disagree with George Bush (hmm, they seemed to know something we didn’t)!  To maintain our patriotism,  we went months drinking only Californian and Italian wines, and had to order our Big Macs with Freedom Fries. 

So what to do about Scotland that really does deserve some retribution? Well, perhaps the problem is there is much less of Scotland infused in our culture.  Year ago I had already given up eating the primary Scottish culinary export – Haggis. (For the few of you that don’t occassionally enjoy a big plate of Haggis – it is a hearty dish containing the liver, heart, and lungs from a sheep, robustly blended with onion, oatmeal, salt, suet and spices. It resembles a stuffed intestine. A perfect dish for a Sunday brunch with cannibals.)

I am more than willing to give up going to Scottish movies, but I can’t really name one.  And I will pledge not to buy any Scottish cars. But somehow that is still not enough.

Wait a minute, there is one thing Scottish many of us enjoy – Scotch – perhaps the most important thing to ever come out of Scotland. The tasty, smoky booze that has provided me so much entertainment (and many horrible hangovers) over the years.  I suggest that effective immediately all of America boycott Scotch!  And in it’s place I have a recommendation.  Drink Tyrconnell Single Malt Irish Whiskey.  The Irish have been making Tyrconnell since 1762, so they have really perfected the formula.  And who knows more about drinking than the Irish! Just as smooth and full of flavor as the best Scotch single malt, but produced by the lovely and lyrical Irish who don’t coddle baby murderers!

I have been a road warrior for almost thirty years, racking up several million miles in the air and countless nights in hotel rooms. Accordingly I am a bit opinionated about airlines and hotels. About a year and a half ago I awarded Continental Airlines the distinction of “Worst Airline In America” after I had a stunningly bad experience. Certainly running an airline is a complex business and problems occur.  But as I and many have discovered, Continental’s problems run deep into management. There is an inbred distaste for their customers that begins at the top.  They have a record of almost torturing their flyers. 

Wait a minute.  Continental is a Texas company. Is it possible that Dick Cheney developed their customer service practices?

Anyway, last week a Continental flight from Houston to Minneapolis was diverted to Rochester, MN. due to weather.  No problem there.  Airlines can’t control weather.  However, once they landed in Rochester, Continental refused to let the passengers disembark, and instead made them stay on the tiny commuter plane for the entire night, finally allowing them freedom from Continental Prison at 6 am the next morning.  At first they tried to blame the airport, saying there was no place for the passengers to wait if they got off the plane.  But the airport officials soon blew that story apart, saying the had room and offered to help.  Continental finally has to fess up and admit they were cruel and incompetent.  Well, actually they didn’t admit that, but they did offer people vouchers and refunds.

Regular readers know of my love of FDIC-insured high interest online savings accounts. In this time of tiny returns, why not use the internet to maximize the ROI investment on your cash? This month there is a new high interest winner – and it is a familiar name.  The American Express Bank -  http://personalsavings.americanexpress.com/faq.html#/savings/what-is-savings - currently offers a 1.75% return on their online savings account.  I found the website and sign-up process to be easy and quick. Here are the stats on a few other favorites (and keep in mind they are changing – and usually going down – on an almost daily basis):

1. Ally Bank (the old GMAC – but much nicer to look at – and nobody wants to do business with anyone that sounds remotely like General Motors) – 1.7%
2. Capital One (and use the Costco version for the bonus) – 1.6%
3. Zion Bank (easy to use, but if you are moving money quickly take notice of their daily transaction limits) – 1.46%
4. Emigrant Savings (the most primative of these websites, but you gotta love their Irish immigrant heritage) – 1.4%
5. Charles Schwab Bank (still not Quicken-compatible – what’s the holdup Chuck?) – 1.35%

I couldn’t be more excited about what I hope will be a wide range of electric vehicles that will hit the market over the next few years! But if you want to go green right away (at least when it comes to mowing your lawn), consider buying the first electric riding lawn mower. The Amp Rider is now available from Ariens – www.ampbyariens.com.  Ariens says performance is similar to the gasoline version, but it is much quieter.  And while it costs more than a gas version, it’s operation cost is a fraction, and you don’t need to worry about messy gasoline and oil.

If you have a bigger budget and longer timeline, and want to go much faster, be sure and check out the Fiskar Karma, an absolutely beautiful four door electric sports car scheduled to be released next year – http://karma.fiskerautomotive.com.