To be fair, I have had some good experiences with some credit card companies. I have had an American Express card for almost thirty years, and with a few bumps have found their customer service to be consistently good. I have had a Chase Freedom card for a couple years, and have also found them to be top-notch. But unfortunately others have not performed so well.

Last October I cancelled a credit card from Bank of America I was not using very much. As always, I paid the balance in full, and notified the company I was cancelling the card. And I never heard from them again, until last week, when I received a letter that I was past due for $187.00. Confused, I called to inquire what was happening. The customer service representative explained that they had no record I had cancelled the card, and in December they billed me the $50 yearly card membership fee. Since they did not send me a statement, I was unaware of this. In three months this $50, with interest and penalties, had grown to $187. (Normally you would have to borrow money from someone named Vinnie Brokenose to get this kind of deal.) I explained that I had cancelled the card, and therefore should not be expected to pay. And since they had never sent me a statement, I also had to assume they knew I had cancelled the card and this was just a technical error. The representative agreed with me, and noted that it especially made sense because there were no charges after October. But unfortunately it was not within his power to credit the charge or the fee.

For the next 45 minutes I went through credit card hell. They switched me from rep to rep – much in the same way car dealerships keep bringing more people in to try to close a deal. Nobody had the power to credit the amount, and they began to negotiate with me.

“Sir, we can credit the $50 fee, but we will need you to pay the $137 in penalties and interest”, came the first offer.

“Absolutely not”, I replied. “If you acknowledge that I didn’t owe the $50, then why should I pay the penalties and fees”, a rationale I had to repeat at least five times, each time with my voice elevating.

“Sir, how about this? We will credit the interest and fees, but you pay the $50?”

“No”

“What if we were to just charge you a $25 administrative fee?”

“No”

It was quite clear this was a game that they continually played. Regardless of whether or not the customer owed them money, they would cajole, negotiate, and threaten just to make a few bucks. It’s a sleazy and evil business model that corporate America should not be participating in. Ultimately, I wore them down and they credited the entire amount, but I could not help but think of what would have happened if my elderly parents had been faced with this situation. This kind of business model preys on the weak, and companies that participate in it should be forced to pay a high price.

I would argue that there is a more subtle, but perhaps even more dangerous kind of terrorism going on courtesy of the American media. Unfortunately fear drives viewership, and the media thrives on any story that makes us afraid. Consequently most of our legitimate journalists have been replaced by these new media “terrorists” that seek ratings by filling us with fear, anger, and distrust. They operate from both the left and the right, spewing rumors and innuendo that keep people glued to the screen. When much of the population is convinced that our President is actually a socialist foreign-born Muslim that favors killing off the elderly, people naturally get afraid. It also spreads panic when people are convinced that the world will end in the next few months due to global warming, that Pakistan and North Korea are preparing nuclear strikes, and that the flu vaccine is deadly. Certainly global warming, nuclear weapons, and public health are important issues that need to be discussed, but the terrorists in the media are less interested in public discourse than they are sensationalism.

I think it is quite possible that the ranting and fear mongering that now typifies mass media is having an incredibly negative long-term impact on society. The truth is that for most of the world, this is the best possible time to be alive. While the human race is far from perfect and we face many massive problems, the large majority of mankind lives happier, healthier lives than those that came before us. But that doesn’t make good news. Nor does all the incredible work that is going on around the world that will solve these big problems.

These media terrorists might not blow up airplanes or plant roadside bombs, but I suspect they are even more effective than Arab terrorists at destroying optimism and people’s spirits. Luckily these kinds of terrorists are easier to identify, and easier to eliminate than the ones that live in caves in Pakistan. We need to eliminate them by turning the dial, refusing to buy their ridiculous books, complaining to the companies that support them with advertising, and flatly rejecting their terrorist messages designed to crush our spirits.

These economic times have revealed an entirely new kind of Weasel that is probably best sent on an extended tropical vacation.  A few candidates…..

Stewart Parnell, President of The Peanut Corporation of America, ran the filthy food company that is now responsible for nine deaths and over 600 illnesses in one of the largest salmonella outbreaks in history.  In true Weasel form, Parnell and his plant manager Sammy Lightsey pled the fifth, refusing to take responsibility for their incompetent management that continues to threaten our entire food supply.  Since his plants were filled with roaches, rats, and mold, he would probably find Guantanamo downright luxurious by comparison!  Of course sending an executive to Guantanamo might seem extreme, but consider the crime.  If an Arab terrorist had poisoned our food supply, killing and injuring hundreds of people, what would we have done?

And why not make Bernie Madoff his bunk mate?  Hmmm, wonder who would be the wife and who would be the husband?  The 70 year old Madoff will go down in history as the perpetrator of one of the biggest Ponzi schemes in history, robbing hundreds of people of over 50 billion dollar, and further progressing the collapse of our financial market.  If a terrorist had planted a bomb in the NY Stock exchange and cause the market to lose $50 billion dollars, what we we do to that terrorist?

The sad fact is that aside from 9/11, the worst damage that has been inflicted on America came not from terrorists, but from home-grown incompetent, dishonest, greedy Americans that have reeked havok on the country.  Lets send them south!

Most likely the state is paying for the attorney to sue the county, with the enormous legal costs of the silly suit being absorbed by the taxpayers.  Perhaps Paul should have been shipped off to a prison much further away than Oregon where he could have recuperated better from his unfortunate injuries.  Maybe somewhere more tropical….. hmmmmm, maybe Cuba?

Viewers may remember the “Smilin Bob” Enzyte commercials that promised to turn every average Joe or Bob into a sexual powerhouse.  Warshak was indescriminate in his dishonesty.  In addition to stealing from customers, he would also refuse to pay his advertising agencies, claiming he was going bankrupt and tying them up for months in court in an attempt to delay and ultimately reduce payment.

It’s always good for the advertising business and consumers when these kind of scam artists get sent away, but although Warshak deserves it I was still a bit suprised at the severity of the sentence.  25 years!  He apparently underestimated how serious men are when it comes to their erections. ”Steve Warshak preyed on perceived sexual inadequacies of customers”, said the Judge when he handed down the sentence. 

One must wonder if there are any disgruntled customers where Steve is going. Perhaps the fact that Enzyte doesn’t work will make prison a less painful experience.   

But somehow, someway, you have slipped again.  Perhaps into a much more evil place than just rude or incompetent.   Recently you came under fire for blocking your subscribers’ access to certain web sites, and then not telling them you were doing so.  In fact…. is it possible you are now being run by the Chinese government? 

Imagine this.  Your customer pays you a lot of money to provide internet service, and then you decide which sites they are allowed to access!  Hmmmm.  Might you decide not to show competitors sites?  And what if Comcast were to come under the control of crazy management? Terrorists! The Christian Right! Rumsfeld!  Would you then limit access to sites you don’t agree with?  Would we all have to live in the facist state of Comcastia? 

Even the FCC is mad at you and said they are going to “punish Comcast!  Of course, you choose to call all this ”load managing” (what a Comcastic load that it) but lets not put lipstick on a pig.  Comcast, it is anti-American, unethical, and potentially dangerous to all of us. Apologize and knock it off!

What if the phone companies acted this way?  For instance, what if my phone company decided they would not allow me to call any competitive phone companies or other companies they didn’t like?  Wait a minute!  Comcast, aren’t you in the phone business too?  You wouldn’t sink that low, would you?

And while I am whining about sleezy Comcastic practices, let me tell you what happened this weekend.  The handsome Comcast technician in a spiffy uniform showed up at my new place to hook up my televisions.  But he didn’t bring any cables, so he could not hook them up.  “Cables aren’t included” he said, and he didn’t carry any to even sell me.  Why did he even bother to show up?  He was also a bit miffed I have a Tivo instead of purchasing the Comcast-brand box, and refused to hook up that too.  “Never seen a Tivo”, he said.  “No idea how to hook it up”.  Never seen a Tivo?  Really?

Comcast, I pay you good money to provide television and broadband services. That does not give you the right to dictate what I do with those services or insist that anytime you get into a business I must work with you.  When you come into my home and provide essential communication services I need to be able to trust you are not part of the corporate axis of evil.    

OK – that might have a “holier than thou” sound to it. Certainly any of us might get into legitimate disputes with no clear winner or one side that has the lower moral ground, and it is wonderful that we have the law and lawyers to arbitrate such disputes. I also believe that left unchecked, the system always has the potential to overrun the less fortunate and those that can’t afford proper legal firepower. We are lucky that we have bright very moral lawyers willing to step forward and protect them, the basic tenants of the legal system, the environment, and certain aspects of our society and political system that might otherwise be endangered. So the title of this entry is certainly not aimed at everyone that passed the bar.

However, as one that has been involved in many legal disputes over the years, I am constantly struck by how smart lawyers can manipulate the law to help their clients do some very immoral things. It seems there is a fine line between providing “the best possible legal defense”, and assisting a client with some pretty nefarious and scummy actions.

Most of the time if I am in a legal dispute it is because someone owes my company money. 90% of the time these are essentially uncontested disputes until the lawyers get involved. For instance, right now a client owes us an enormous amount of money. There is no real dispute. The client admits they owe the money. They admit they pulled a few really boneheaded and probably illegal actions that created the debt. But instead of dealing with the issue in a professional manner and doing all they can to settle the debt, they have hired lawyers that use the law to threaten us, and create roadblocks to settling the situation. Instead of everyone cooperating to achieve the best outcome, the debtor’s lawyers instruct their client on how to delay and abuse the law to keep from paying. First they spend weeks arguing where we will argue. Then they attempt to turn us into the bad guy for even taking the position we should get paid. “Push us and we will declare bankruptcy”, they threaten. Right now I am sure they are instructing their client on how to best hide their assets so they can pay less. In many ways it is like hiring someone to instruct you how to legally steal. And the problem is that they are only doing their job, if one accepts the very broad idea of “best legal defense”.

I often wonder why the law has to be so black and white? It often appears that it is constructed for those incapable of thinking through a complex issue. How does it serve the law and society when any of the following occur:

• Knowing full well his client is guilty, a lawyer finds a ridiculous technicality to get his murderer / rapist (fill in the heinous crime) client released.
• A lawyer allows an innocent man to rot in prison (or worse – be executed) to protect attorney / client privilege.
• A lawyer instructs his client on how to construct complex financial shells to avoid paying creditors / spouses, etc.

The list is almost endless. And it is usually a case of allowing technicalities to govern an issue to protect the much larger legal theory (a theory that in some way is ultimately supposed to protect all of us). But the law grows more complex on an almost daily basis, and with this complexity there is an increase in the number of loopholes that fall into the theory of best legal defense.

Do we live in such a regimented and jaded society that we collectively can’t govern through nuances to really achieve justice? To protect the masses must we allow a constant stream of small injustices? I certainly don’t think that most lawyers are immoral and accordingly spread immorality. But lawyers largely control the legal system, and if they continue to build it in a rigid fashion that promotes injustice we will all pay the price.

A caveat here. I like John McCain. He’s a war hero, occasional straight-talker, and a fine example of an American. I don’t like him enough to vote for him unless Obama resigns from the race and is replaced by David Hasselhoff, but overall I think he’s fine. And I certainly hope he is among the living.

But I think we would all agree that his campaign has not been going well. He seems very low on energy, mumbles and stumbles, seems disoriented a lot, and it suddenly dawned on me that the Republican party might be pulling a “Weekend At Bernie’s” trick on the American public.

Imagine this. McCain passes away a couple months ago. The Republican party realizes that no decent candidate will ever jump in at this point. Following Bush and opposing Obama is really political suicide. So they decide to stick with the dead guy. They surround him with people to keep him propped up and mouth a few unintelligible words now and then. And if by some miracle McCain wins, Rove can prop him in a chair in the Oval Office and it will be business as usual.

Could happen! Don’t say I didn’t warn you! The big potential question, if it does come down to a “Dead McCain” versus “The Hoff” race, who should I vote for?

Born in Monroe, North Carolina, Jesse was the son of Sheriff “Big Jesse” Helms and mother Dot. He attended Wingate Junior College for a few months before dropping out, but did receive honorary degrees from the prestigious Bob Jones University (not to be confused with The Bob Jones Golf Camp – though Jesse might have also gone there), and Grove City College (where I believe he was awarded an honorary Phd in air conditioning repair). Helms’ alma mater Wingate would also honor him years later, opening the Jesse Helms Center, primarily with funding from the tobacco lobby (who Jesse whole-heartedly supported while Chairman of the Senate Agriculture Commitee in the 1980′s). In 2005, Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University (one of the nation’s leading think-tanks of anti-thinking) opened the Jesse Helms School of Government.

Yes, Jesse was best known as Senator Helms, serving as a Senator from North Carolina for over thirty years. During his tenure he served as Chairman of The Committee on Foreign Relations, and Chairman of The Senate Committees on Agriculture, Nutrition, & Forestry.

During his three decades in politics Senator Helms was known for his often controversial positions, and I contacted his nephew, Goober Helms, former proprietor of Goober’s Auto Repair, and now the curator of The Jesse Helms Museum of Intolerance (located in two of the former service bays of Goober’s Auto Repair), to gain a little insight on his Uncle’s career.

Question – Goober, what would you say are Senator Helm’s greatest accomplishments while serving in the Senate?

Goober – That’s a hard one, because Uncle Jesse did so much. He was never afraid to speak his mind. For instance, we’re all really proud of the way he stood up for the tobacco industry. He fought all this propaganda about smoking being bad for you, and managed to raise huge amounts of campaign financing from RJ Reynolds and Philip Morris.

Question – What about the frequent accusations your Uncle was a racist?

Goober – Ridiculous. Jesse was just standing up for the American people. He was the first to let the world know that Martin Luther King was a communist, and that’s why he opposed making his birthday a national holiday. We shouldn’t be celebrating a commies birthday’s in this country, be they black, white, or yellow – but especially if they are black or yellow. And Uncle Jesse was a pioneer in opposing affirmative action! He didn’t want to see the white man taken advantage of.

Question – That explains why he once ran a television commercial showing a white man’s hands crumpling a job rejection letter because the employer “had to hire a less qualified minority”?

Goober – Yep, Uncle Jess was a smart one!

Question - How about the fact that he once turned to his friend Senator Orin Hatch while riding an elevator, and after gesturing at African American Senator Carol Mosley-Braun, told Hatch he was “going to sing Dixie until he made her cry”.

Goober – “laughing” Yep – that’s Jesse. By the way, did you ever hear him sing Dixie? It would make anyone cry.

Question – Your Uncle seemed to have an affection for murderous dictators. I couldn’t help but notice that he was a big supporter of Chilean dicator Augusto Pinochet, and he was also closely tied-in with Salvadoran Death Squad Leader Roberto D’Aubuisson.

Goober – Jesse thought those fellows were getting a bad rap. Roberto might have killed a lot of people, but in his heart he was a deeply religious man.

Question - Your Uncle also compared abortion to the Holocaust, blocked payments to the UN, and was a staunch critic of gay rights.

Goober - Yep, we’re sure gonna miss Jesse!

One of Senator Helm’s final salvos while still in the senate was to infer that President Bill Clinton might be assassinated if he came to his state. “Clinton better now show up here without a bodyguard”, he told equally classy news commentator Robert Novak.

Perhaps it is somewhat fitting that this American patriot says his final farewell on July 4th.

Authors note: Believe it or not, essentially all the facts cited above are true – except the part Jesse receiving a Phd in air condition repair. I have no idea if Grove City College offers a Phd. And the part about Goober. I am not sure if he exists as I did not talk to him, nor do I know if there is really a Jesse Helms Museum of Intolerance – though there probably should be. Happy 4th!

Flyers are now being quoted what appears to be a low price when they book their flight, only to be assaulted with all kinds of fees when they get to the airport. And the impact of these fees extends past financial implications. Charging consumers to check their bags impacts a consumer’s pocketbook, but the even bigger problem is that it will cause more consumers to carry luggage on the plane. This means longer security lines (and most likely shifts a financial burden to the TSAs as they will need more agents to check these bags), and potentially horrendous delays loading passengers. Think about how slowly a plane loads now as people try to stuff huge bags into tiny overheads, and then double the problem! This means more flights will be late, and longer queues on the tarmac. That also means more flights burning fuel on the ground as they wait to take off (wasn’t the high cost of fuel one of the problems?).

Imagine if other industries were allowed to conduct themselves the way airlines operate? What would happen if Ruth Chris Steakhouse suddenly offered a $9.99 steak dinner – with the stipulation that you had to prepay for your meal? You might think this is a great deal, give them your credit card, and pack up the entire family to go to dinner. But when you get there they tell you there is an extra fee of $10 each if you want to sit down during dinner (otherwise your meal will be served in the parking lot), plus a $5.00 silverware fee (an extra dollar if you want a steak knife), $1.00 for steak sauce, $2.50 for a glass of water, and all diners are assessed a dishwashing fee of $3.00.
You can walk out of a restaurant, but abandoning an airline reservation because you learned you have been scammed is typically a lot more difficult. You have usually prepaid a large amount, and are traveling for a reason – you have a cruise to make, a meeting or wedding to attend, etc. This makes the airline bait and switch all the more heinous, and it is an embarrassment that major American corporations conduct themselves in such a sleazy manner.

This all might just lead to a bigger conclusion. If the only way airlines can profitably operate is to scam consumers in the door with a low price and then hit them with surcharges, then we have to wonder about the financial viability of the entire industry as currently structured. Certainly we would all like easy availability to inexpensive luxuries. I would like to buy a new Mercedes for $10,000 – but it isn’t going to happen. Perhaps we should accept that the days of inexpensive air travel are over. It might be a good thing that planes are being grounded. We might not need as much capacity. And let Econ 101 principles kick in. Airlines should all charge a reasonable price that allows them to make a profit and properly service their customers (and tell consumers the price – don’t lie to them). There will still be plenty of people that want to fly, but I suspect there will be fewer planes in the air (maybe that is a good thing), and unfortunately a few airlines will have to go out of business. But in the end we will have a solid industry with a good product, not the dishonest, embarrassing airline business travelers now have to endure.