Weasels

In today’s society, Weasel behavior has become so common that instead of immediately condemning it, we have come to expect it, sometimes even embrace it, lowering our expectations of our fellow man. Our tolerance level for the selfish, lying, destructive, and sometimes deadly habits of Weasels has risen to a point that should cause us all concern about the coming years. Workplace Weasels are wearing us down, often winning the battle due to society’s hesitation to hold ourselves to a higher standard and the easy temptations that Weasels use as recruiting tools.

We are told that success and money are our God-given rights and that almost anyone might achieve enormous wealth and success almost by accident. The end justifies the means, so go ahead and do whatever it takes to get what you want. Who cares about ethics and credibility? Acquiring the most “bling bling” is the objective.

Everyone deserves to be famous. We worship at the altar of the celebrity, where fame based on talent has been replaced by infamy at any cost. Magazines and newspaper headlines seldom feature inspirational accounts of people improving society; instead, we get to know the intimate and lurid life details of accused murderers and celebrity criminals.

Live the “lottery lifestyle.” Simply answer the door and Ed McMahon might be standing there, ready to present you with an oversized check that will change your life! Drop all your life savings into one Internet stock so you can become a billionaire. Go ahead and live well past your financial means. Charge that credit card to the max, take out second and third mortgages, live like a rock star, and somehow it will all work out.

I heard this story from a woman I met in Vancouver, Canada. A few years earlier, she had fallen in love with a handsome, charming man she met at a fund-raising event. He was a successful architect, and after dating for a year, they became engaged. He explained that as a wedding gift, he was building them a weekend cabin in the woods, and for the next few months, he would be gone on many Saturdays and Sundays, staying in a tent on the property while he constructed their love nest. She at first objected, saying she wanted to be with him, but he insisted that this was a wonderful romantic gesture he wanted to make by himself to start their lives together. “Our little cabin in the woods will be like a monument to our love,” he insisted.

One Saturday night, while he was off working at the cabin, she attended another fund-raising event by herself. She was seated next to an attractive woman about her age, and as they conversed, she was pleased to learn this woman was also engaged to be married. The conversation went something like this:

“So what does your fiancée do?” woman #1 inquired.

“He’s an architect,” said woman #2.

“Wow, what a coincidence, so is mine,” she replied enthusiastically.

“Maybe they know each other. Where does he work?” And after hearing the reply, she replied with growing unease, “Wow, what a coincidence, my fiancée works there, too.”

I am sure you have guessed the rest. The architect had been engaged to both women for a year. He told woman #2 that he was working on an out-of-town project and could only see her on the weekends, and of course, he used the “most likely fictional cabin love nest” excuse on woman #1.

After expressing their mutual outrage, the two women decided to do a little Weasel confrontation. Woman #1 informed my friend that Romeo Weasel was due to come to her house later that night. (For some reason, he had been unavailable to attend the dinner with her—perhaps there was fiancée #3?) The two women went back to her place to wait, and when he came through the door, they were both calmly sitting in the living room sipping wine.

According to my friend, Romeo Weasel turned white with shock, fell to the ground, pulled himself into a fetal position, and began wailing like a baby. He cried out ridiculous excuses about how he never felt loved and that was why he acted in such a shameful manner. “He actually did us both a favor by reacting that way,” she explained with a laugh, “because as we looked at him, I knew both of us were thinking ‘wow, how could we have ever been in love with that?’ although we did have to fight the temptation to kick him around the room a bit.” Needless to say, Romeo lost two fiancées that night.

At the corporate level, analysis paralysis usually spans several levels of management, and it’s almost always accompanied by varying levels of Whiner and often Weasel behavior. Look A few years ago, at early stages of the growth of the Internet, I encountered a classic case while working on an advertising and marketing project for a well-known multibillion-dollar telephone company. The company was considering an innovative marketing campaign to attract consumers to sign up for its new Internet service. Because of its market position, huge brand name, and massive resources, it was natural for this company to take a leading role in online services.

My initial contact at the company, a vice president named Ted, told me that, although he was very much behind the project, he needed to be able to demonstrate to his boss that it was going to work. He therefore authorized us to do tens of thousands of dollars worth of research before actually authorizing the creation of the marketing campaign. I objected, explaining that for the cost of the research, we could actually just create and test the campaign and know if it worked, rather than waste money on research. “Why spend money finding out if we should test it, when for the same price, we can just go ahead and see if it works?” I argued.

“Nope,” Ted said. “I know that you are right, but if it does fail, I need the backup of the research so it looks like I did my job. It’s just corporate policy here, and I can’t leave myself open to question.”

So let me get this right,” I asked, somewhat confused. “You want to spend twice as much money, because if it doesn’t work, it will be better for you than if we spent half as much?”

“Exactly,” Ted smiled, obviously privy to some bizarre economic formulas only available to massive and wasteful major corporations.

The research was positive and indicated we should go forward with the new campaign, but Ted’s boss had her own set of testing parameters that we had to deal with. Sarah, who was new to her position, was concerned that our approach was too innovative and that we did not know enough from the research to guarantee success.

“It is impossible to guarantee success no matter how much research we do,” I argued. “Ultimately, only the consumer decides whether or not they buy a product, and if we could just research everything with guaranteed success based on the results, this would be the biggest and most profitable company in the world. Let’s just do the test without wasting any more time or money.”

Sarah was unmoved by this argument, and she explained that her boss was a big believer in a new focus-group technology. She instructed us to spend another huge sum of money for more research. Again, the focus groups responded positively, but just when I thought we would move forward, Ted explained that he and Sarah were changing departments, and the project would have to go through an entirely new review by their replacements.

The new group wanted fresh research (undoubtedly to protect themselves in the corporate hierarchy), and to make a long story a little shorter, nobody in the company was ever able to make a decision. They failed to move forward, but their smaller and stealthier competitors were not stricken with the same analysis paralysis. Perhaps that is why this once-great company’s stock is now worth a fraction of what it was ten years ago, and the company is a relatively minor player on the Internet. In comparison, companies like Google and Yahoo, which didn’t even exist a few years ago, have eclipsed it.

In the past, I briefly explained the Analysis Paralysis phenomenon, and provided some method and reason for avoiding it. Now, I would like take a step back and look at the analysis paralysis "Big Picture".

I have, and continue to work with many of the world’s largest corporations, and sadly noted that analysis paralysis permeates big companies via their mid- and top level executives, sometimes eventually creating an unspoken corporate culture. In fact, it is so common that I sometimes question how many of these companies became so successful in the first place, and I can only surmise that analysis paralysis sets in at some point after a company is successful and has built up such momentum that the malady does not destroy it.

Although analysis paralysis is not necessarily fatal to a company, it ultimately relegates it to low performance levels, and the employees who create this logjam almost always fail to achieve any real meaningful progression in their careers. Their fear of failure creates over analysis, which leads to missed opportunities.

Check back tomorrow for a personal story further explaining the effects of analysis paralysis.

Because Weasels are constantly concentrating on what they don’t have, as opposed to what they do possess, they live lives filled with jealousy and unreasonable competitiveness with those around them. And this can be a tough one to judge. Warriors by their very nature are competitive, and you don’t want to mistake that trait in yourself or others as a negative attribute. However, a Warrior will actually have admiration for other Warriors who successfully compete with them. I admire my successful competitors who compete fairly and ethically and (hopefully only occasionally) beat me. They make me and my organization better and improve the marketplace. And if we are all on a level playing field and we lose, it is our problem. And my Warrior competitors feel the same about me, which leads to a competitive, but much more professional and pleasant business environment.

A Weasel never takes any pleasure or learns a lesson from their competitor’s success. They will take any advantage—ethical or not—to win the account. They will disparage their competitors at every opportunity. They will whine when they lose—and blame everyone but themselves for their lack of success. If you see yourself or your employees slipping into this habit, do a little Weasel housecleaning right away.

Weasels are typically quite good at creating the illusion of activity—even though, in reality, they are usually just wasting time. They are always quick to point out how hard they do work or how difficult their life is, in an attempt to either garner pity or respect, which they will turn into a weapon at a later date. They commonly use the “hard work” excuse throughout their day-today lives at work and at home. “I didn’t call the client back because I was working round the clock on the secret report.” Or, “I didn’t have time to get you a birthday gift because I was working those long hours just to keep food on the table.” Weasels will say anything to avoid the real issue and to make themselves martyrs.

I find that Warriors and Workers don’t make excuses—it is a Whiner or Weasel reaction. Although the Warrior or Worker might legitimately be overworked, they know that it is not an excuse not to get the job done. Rather, they will request help or make the necessary changes to assure that the job is completed.

I have discovered that minimizing the impact of Weasels in your life involves a few simple steps that were probably apparent from the case studies above.

Check them out. Unfortunately, once people fall into the Weasel ranks, they seldom seem to change their colors. So one good way to help Weasel-proof your life is to look at someone’s history when hiring or associating yourself with someone new. And that research should extend past the normal reference calls. Talk to people who would be intimately familiar with their personal brands, and look for patterns. Certainly, we should all be given the opportunity to redeem ourselves, but past actions do need to be accounted for, and because true Weasels never really feel remorse, they tend to constantly repeat their actions. If you choose to deal with an established Weasel, you ultimately proceed at your own risk.

Watch for typical Weasel patterns. Ego pumping, excuses, gossiping, building dissension and problems where problems did not previously exist, and establishing scapegoats are Weasel techniques you should be aware of.

Keep in mind that your greed and conceit are a Weasel’s best friends. If you allow yourself to be ego pumped by strangers, or jump at the deal that is “too good to be true,” you are opening the door to every Weasel that passes by.

Remember that trust is earned, not granted. It sounds simple, but Weasels count on the fact that via their charm, their manipulation, or even their distortion of the facts, they will gain your trust and access to what they want to steal from you.

Trust your instincts.

Make “no Weasels allowed” part of your personal brand. Weasels typically don’t like confrontation; they prefer to work in the shadows. If you are known to have little or no Weasel tolerance, they will move on to an easier mark. And loudly uncovering Weasels is a great service to the next person they might try to take advantage of.

In my book I spend an entire chapter talking about The Weasel Tax – the high cost all of us often unwittingly pay because of Weasels. The Weasel Tax is broken down into several catagories, including:

1. Weasel preventative costs. The high prices we pay for insurance, security, law enforcement, excessive attorney fees and extreme contracts needed to protect ourselves from the greedy rodents, special Weasel-proof construction, expensive governmental agencies aimed solely at Weasels, firewalls and virus protection software, big bumpers to protect us from drunk Weasels, rubber gloves, the list goes on and on……
2. Weasel elimination and isolation costs. Jails, payoffs for silly lawsuits, penicillin, salaries for worthless Weasels you would like to fire but can’t due to fear of litigation, and so on.
3. Weasel theft costs.
4. Weasel loss of productivity costs.
5. Higher social costs due to Weasels.
6. The Weasel emotional tax.

Though all the above is impossible to fully quantify, in the book I was able to put some dollar amounts against the Weasel tax, and my guess is that with if we were to launch a successful American Anti-Weasel campaign, we would not only all live happier lives, but we could see an across the board 15-20% reduction in taxes and an enormous increase in productivity.

So, do your part and expose a weasel in your life. The best submission wins a video iPod every month.

Is it crazy to even contemplate a Weasel-free society? Probably. We will never fully eliminate them. But, I would make the case that a major educational long term initiative to build better citizens is the best investment we could make.

Buy Warriors, Workers, Whiners, and Weasels at Amazon.

I’m feeling a tiny bit optimistic that as a society we are finally beginning to deal with our Weasel infestation problems.  After a long period of societal denial, we are finally facing up to the fact that we have a problem and are bringing in the exterminators.   We seem to be overcoming our "CEO-Worship" issues.  The fast and false riches at the beginning of the Dot Com age caused many to perceive corporate CEO’s like new rock stars; bad boys that could do no wrong even as they squandered shareholder money like drunken sailors. Perhaps it was wishful thinking on our part. If we were suddenly billionaires we would like the latitude to occasionally blow off steam like Steven Tyler after an Aerosmith concert.

But now many have been revealed as the Weasels they are – no talent bums that didn’t deserve a night out, much less the power to blow our money -  and we’re sending them off to prison cells and firing warning shots for those that would follow them with the same sociopathic intent.  And though we have far to go, we’re even making a little progress on the political front, indicating a few of the fast talking chiselers that masked their nefarious actions with the claim of patriotism and/or the fact they they were doing God’s Work.

But real and long-lasting Weasel eradication begins at home. There is a dirty little reality that most employers talk about when they can be completely honest. There is a problem with new job recruits coming out of college. Though there are certainly many budding Warriors and hard Workers that are exceptions to the problem, by and large the new generation entering the business world suffers from a lack of drive and an extreme sense of entitlement.  They have been made soft by parents that worshiped them like little Sun Kings and told them they have an absolute right to success – as opposed to the right to try to be successful.

Last week I was visiting my Alma Mater, and I heard the same sad refrain from all the Professors.  Their students are often lazy and have an unrealistic sense of self-importance.  They assume they can graduate in mediocrity and someone will give them a terrific high paying job.  And the educators blame the parents.  I heard several stories with the same sick ending.  Student turns in bad work – receives a D or F – and the Professor receives a call or visit from the parents claiming their little precious deserved something better.   The message to the child is simple; it’s ok to be lazy and mediocre because society still owes you all possible riches.  And in the workplace we see this played out.  A generation of young people that don’t want to pay their dues and learn the trade.  They perceive job advancement and raises as a reward just for showing up – as opposed to a bonus for great performance.

OK – let me state this one more time so everyone under 25 does not send hate mail. This is not indicative of everyone.  I have some incredible young people in my organization that are motivated and hard working and are on their way to greatness.  But, instilling an attitude of entitlement in young people is a recipe for a generation of Weasels and supporting their mediocrity cripples them and the country.  We need a smart, motivated, hard working generation of Warriors and Workers to take us to the next level and fix some of the problems the current ruling generations have screwed up.

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Finally, we meet the Weasel.  Weasels are always negative, personally  and professionally. They operate from a profound sense of insecurity  that clouds their existence and drives them to destroy, for the strangely  misguided sense of fulfillment it provides them.  They have no regard  for honesty, relationships, long-term credibility, or friendships.  Perhaps they came from sad and tragic backgrounds, and their stories may  leave you filled with pity.  Or maybe they just popped up from the wrong  side of the gene pool.  But they are cancer to a relationship or company.  And like cancer, they are also clever at disguising themselves.  I’ve worked with people for months, even years, believing them to be  competent Workers or even Warriors, before discovering they were  Weasels of the worst kind.

The saddest thing about most Weasels is that they are typically talented people, but because they are driven by insecurity, they choose to  concentrate on negativity instead of succeeding based on their talents.  Through early identification of Weasel-like traits, one might be able to  stop an impressionable young person from degrading into a Weasel.  It is essential to develop strong Weasel radar to keep your company healthy  and happy.

Weasels tend to be strong in personality, which can make them difficult to identify at the onset.  They may initially appear to be a Warrior or  Worker.  But the core trait of a Weasel is to instill confusion and distrust  within his or her structure.  Trace back a nasty rumor mill, and usually  there was a Weasel involved in its initial development.  Weasels delight in  stirring up trouble between factions, fueling it with distrust, rumors, and  outright lies.  They will claim to be everyone’s friend, while not honoring  any friendship.  Every motivation they possess is designed to fill their internal void, and true friendship is almost impossible for them to attain.

Due to their aggressive personalities and relentless methods, they can  often become successful and achieve positions of power.  And there is nothing tougher than dealing with a Weasel-controlled business.  They constantly find reasons to berate those they work with and avoid paying their  bills and other obligations.  Weasels take great delight in the perception  that they have taken some advantage or won some battle—even if their  opponent did not realize they were in a competition.

Buy Warriors, Workers, Whiners, and Weasels at Amazon.